What does YOUR depression feel like?

Like there is some malevolent force that I don't understand and that I can't fight but is keeping me down. All my life I have been a strong person-- my first "depressed feeling" I remember from middle school was an overwhelming wave of sadness when I realized I had to do french every day for a year (I had had other sad things to be sad about, but this one didnt make sense proportionally and that is why it stands out). That first experience ended with my improving my French grade and doing quite well in the class. Fast forward to now and my Dad is in jail for being a piece of shit (3 years ago) I left the girl I loved because I couldn't handle her Borderline Personality Disorder and now i have no faith left in myself. I take care of my body and I've had women want to have sex with me, but my dick looks like an end of cauliflower since I showed HPV symptoms 2 years ago and the prescription Im currently taking is ruining the aesthetic of my genitals and I feel fucking disgusting. So I'm about ready to just let it all go and become fat and homeless. I also have a useless degree that I spent way too much time and energy and money trying to get, fucking idiot. Because now of course I work manual labour with my degree. My life is a joke and I feel no excitement for the future-- hopefully my dad kills himself.

/r/AskReddit Thread