First I quit a job and started a new one. But the new one failed, so now I am unemployed. It put me at the bottom of a dark depressing hole. Quitting the job was a good thing, because my descent in the depressing hole started with that horrible job. Losing the second job - that sent me free-falling down. A lot of things over the course of the past year have contributed to this slide down, but this was the rock that broke me.

Now that I was at the bottom of the hole, I only had up to go. I may not get a job in my field ever. But, I've had time to reevaluate the priorities and wants in my life. I just want to be happy. So, while I have been looking for a job, any job, I've taken up some hobbies to fill my time. I like to work with my hands and create things. I've taken up sewing, using an almost brand-new sewing machine that my mother bought and never used from over 10 years ago. I've learned a lot from that and I've made some cool shit. It may not be the best quality and it looks like an amateur did it, but I made it and I am proud that it came from me. This has made me realize I like to create things and I get happiness from it. I've created other things and have actually sold only a few things on etsy. But, other people buying my crafts is actually a real big self-esteem builder. Some of my stuff is silly and definitely not the best in design. But it's mine.

I'm starting to lose weight too. I'm 32 and I've haven't been truly fit since my early 20's and I hate the fact that I spent the majority of my 20's overweight to borderline-obese. I know a few men that I had a lot in common with and got along with really well, pass me over because of how fat I have been. I don't fault them for that at all. I only blame myself and that led me to only feeling more awful about myself. I miss looking good in clothes and now I finally feel like I can get back to being that way again.

I'm now thankful for a lot of things - things I took for granted. For instance, I only have a roof over my head and dinner every night because I have loving parents. More than just providing necessities, they even treat me to things every so often. My mom bought me some fabric to work with, just because.

There is much more I have felt renewed about and for once, hopeful about life. But I don't want to have to put a TL;DR at the bottom..lol. I have gained a lot of perspective and clarity in the past 6 months. I've been on this slide down into a dark hole for so long now. I wished I would have hit rock bottom a long time ago so I could have started this journey to the surface sooner.