One day when I was about 20, my dad asked if I’d ever smoked a cigarette. I admitted that yes, there’s been a few occasions while drunk that I’d smoked, but I’m by no means a smoker and have never even bought a pack. He got pissed. Real pissed.

At about 3am the next morning he burst into my room waking me up, the smoke alarms going off. He starts screaming at me accusing me of smoking and refusing to listen to what I have to say. I was still dazed af because I was half asleep. But I managed to be like “ahhhh. I’m an adult, cigarettes are legal. If I wanted to smoke why the hell would I do so inside my bedroom at your house? Also i was asleep? And also...can you smell smoke because I sure cannnnot??” But there was no reasoning with him, he’d already made his mind up.

The next day we were all sitting together in the lounge room and the smoke alarm randomly went off. I’ve never been more smug in my life