Depression. In the past year or so, I've made a lot of progress. Going to university really helped as I have a tighter and more accepting group of friends than I've ever had (being able to come out as bisexual is huge weight off my shoulders). But even still, the four or so months where I was deeply depressed still fucks with me, to the point where I get crippling anxiety if I think anything will set me off into another spiral. I still worry if one if I'll go down the spiral of feeling completely lonely, unwanted and useless.

What really has been bothering me lately is watching my roommate fall down the same hole. The signs are pretty clear (sleeping all day, drinking alone a lot along with other drug abuse, lots of nervousness around people), but he's making no strides to get better. I've tried what I can to help him. I've invited him to hang out with my friends because he's lonely and doesn't have anyone, but he just has a very hard time connecting to anyone. I've had a lot of conversations with him. We don't really click as people, but I always get the sense that he needs someone to talk to so I try my best (I've never been diagnosed but I do feel like I have some social anxiety so this can be hard for me). The night before winter break, I came in around 4 in the morning to find him completely shit faced off vodka. After making some light conversation to him, I could feel that he really wanted to open up to me. He's made remarks before about not having many friends or not going out, but this time he just started talking about not wanting to see his family (he's alluded to some child abuse before), but also not being able to take it living here at college. I really thought he was going to bring up the idea of him being suicidal (something I dealt with and still scares the fuck out of me), but he stopped, and just went back to making conversation. I go back to campus tomorrow and I really hope he's done something to get himself better, but it honestly really frightens me to see him tomorrow.