You will doubt, but I swear on my life this is 100% true.

Back in the 90s I was seeing this girl who got into some bondage. We had purchased some Velcro straps that we kept attached to the feet of my bed, and used them every now and then. Every time it was her being tied down.

Well, one time after a romantic dinner, a couple weeks after Valentine's Day, she decided that this time she wanted me to be the one tied down. For V-Day that year my roommate and his girlfriend had done something nice for us, cooked us a nice meal, laid a trail of rose petals to my bedroom and placed candles all over my room. It was really great. So, fast forward to the night in question, and as we're getting ready, I light some of the candles.

I had not paid attention to the fact that the candle on the TV (one of the old kind, big with the huge back and that crappy plastic covering that was supposed to look like wood) was in one of those cheap plastic champagne glasses.

So, I'm tied down, she's spending some time a little lower, if you follow me, and I happen to look up...to see the TV on fire.

"Uhhh...honey..."

She looks up with a dreamy look on her face. "Yes?"

"The TV's on fire."

She looks over and sees that, yes, the TV is, indeed, on fire. Naked, she leaps out of bed and begins jumping up and down. "Oh my God! What do I do?! What do I do?!"

I calmly tell her to use the towel I had used earlier that night to smother the fire, but she just keeps bouncing up and down in a panic.

Not knowing what else to do, I stretched my head and grabbed the Velcro strap on my right arm with my teeth and pulled it free. Now the fire's spreading, but not too bad. So, I was able to get myself free, grabbed the still damp towel and put the fire out.

After I got her calmed down I said "From now on, you're the only one getting tied up around here."

Totally true.