When my girlfriend and I got together I told her the story of how I shit my pants when I was working at a fast food restaurant. She laughed her ass of at me then vowed that she would NEVER EVER shit her pants in front of me. I said you know what? Watch you shit yourself. It's gonna happen and it's going to be a glorious glorious day. But she was in denial.
Fast forward two years.
We are living together. Completely happy, in love, and comfortable around eachother (as in poop with door open and let farts rip around eachother) We were both laying in bed naked just talking and teasing each other. I suddenly see her face scrunch up and I know she's about to let one rip. What I hear next was the most disgusting, wet, diarrhea, fart I've ever heard. Reminded me of the hour I would spend on the toilet shitting my brains out after eating at the local shady Chinese buffet.
Her faces immediately turns to panic. I'm making the horrified :0 face. She says "babe I just shit the bed "in the most half sobbing/hysterical tone.
"no you didn't" "Yes I did" "Are you fucking serious?" she looks over her shoulder and she's in full panic mode "BABY LOOK I SHIT THE BED!"
I didn't want to believe it but the noise was so horrific I knew it had to be true. I lean over her and she raises her bare ass a bit and I see the beginning of a liquid shit puddle on the bed. Our. Bed. I feel the panic starting to take place in my own heart. My panic turns to laughter while tears start to well up. She sees my face and knows I'm about to get hysterical myself. I burst out in laughter with tears streaming down my face and I can barely get the words out: "baby....whhhhyyyy!?!?!?"
She's in hysterics laughing at me in my sobbing laughter. "I..trusted the fart...please...help..me"
This woman is the love of my life. My absolutely best friend. My future wife. My biggest supporter in this life. I must perform my doodies.
I get up and get a pack of baby wipes. She turns over for me to start cleaning her so she can finally get out of her shit puddle. As I'm wiping the wall of poop smell hits me and I immediately start gagging. I'm there wiping her ass cheeks while sobbing and heaving and she is starting to tear up cause she feels so horrible. In between heaves I console her.
Finally she's cleaned up and I lean over the sink to get ahold of myself while she gathers up the sheets. I turn towards her:
"say it" "No please don't make me" "Please say it." "Whhy?" "Say it"
"I shit myself."
Most glorious moment of our relationship.
Anytime it's brought up her response is always "I can't believe you started crying"