What do you guys consider a relapse?

This is an important question. You have to do honest with yourself. But there are two dangers -- one at either extreme. You can give yourself too much latitude, and you can be too scrupulous. Either can trigger relapse.

I will tell a sobriety story. I am sober 28 years. In my 11th month of sobriety, I was at an event where there was a bowl of punch. I drank some, then drank some more. Then I asked if there was alcohol in it. I was told "only a little vodka." I was unsure if that counted as a slip. I felt the effects of the alcohol. When I examined my conscience, I realized I thought there might be alcohol in the punch, but drank it anyway.

I went to a meeting and shared all that. I expected to be told to start counting my time from scratch. The old timers told me, BS, you still have 11 months, and you're probably looking to start over so you can go out and have a real slip. Keep coming back.

They were right. I was setting myself up for a real slip.

When it comes to porn, the danger is that I will spend all day edging and surfing sites. I will play with myself for hours in front of the computer. Accidentally seeing a GIF doesn't count as a slip for me. Even glancing at it a second longer than I should doesn't count.

Everyone has to make their own judgment here about their intentions. I currently don't do any behaviors, including indulging sexual fantasies, that generate sexual feelings. But I don't count every failure as a slip.

Stupid behavior is indulging sexual fantasies. A slip is grabbing a hold of my penis and jerking it. Stupid behavior is going on the Internet where I might see naked women. A slip is that moment where I really consent to enjoying viewing the pictures and allow the dopamine to flow over me.

For me, if I am resisting, I am continuing.

For the record, stopping at the thought-fantasy level and the nofap level keeps me pornfree and acts as a better filter for me than an actual porn filter on the computer.

But do I count the fantasy slips as porn slips? No.

It's a question of balance and your intentions. And you have to make that decision for yourself.

/r/pornfree Thread