in my case its somewhat similar, my mom too abused me quite severely, and the thing is, i want her to die alone and lonely - she has done so much stuff that even if she became a perfect parent overnight and did everything right i would still detest her at her core. even if i forget for a moment all she has done to me personally - shes not a likeable person,shes bigoted in about every possible way racist,sexist,homophobic,antisemitic - this shows in that she pushes everyone away from herself, nobody wants to be friends with her or in a relationship with her once they learn what shes like

much like with your dad, my mom is not the victim here, she is the perpetrator who no longer has anyone to abuse around her. i recognize that dying alone and lonely is very shitty - heh its even one of my biggest fears, but when youre such a shitty person that nobody even wants to be near you to comfort you in your last moments...maybe you dont deserve it?

now to get away from the abuse topic and to those who simply dont want to visit their grandparents...why do you have to? just because theyre related to you by blood? thats the lamest excuse i have ever heard, family is not who you are related to by blood but who you are close to. why should a 15-25 year old person visit their 85+ year old grandparent? if they want to, thats awesome, but if they dont, why guilt them for it?? Do they really have to interact with someone who is a stranger to them? the age difference is so severe, mindsets are different, interests are different, physical ability is now different so you cant do much with them. there really is no need to interact with your grandparents UNLESS you want to, and there should be no stigma with leaving their grandparents alone - they should have their own friends in their own age ranges, not live through younger people. tldr: nothing in common, no reason to visit, not very interesting for most people.