I had BPD traits and codependency while with my ex who was BPD/vulnerable narcissist comorbid. All along I believed that I was the one with all the problems because nobody mentioned anything about him having BPD. The usual things happened like the dynamic of someone with narcissism and a healthier person. But in our dynamic he was full blown with less fear of abandonment while mine was extreme fear of abandonment. He preyed on that very well. I've always thought I had great empathy. While that was true, it was mostly projections on my part.

He would be the one doing most of the abuse and I'd be the recipient majority of the time, even though he was covert. I'd like to add I was healed quite a bit before I met him. So, a lot of lying and projections on his part and a lot of naiveté on my part. Lots of idealisation about the entire relationship. I'd lean more towards codependency-narcissist dynamic here. However, his abuse seemed to bring out my severe abandonment fear again and over time I adopted his beliefs, behaviours, feelings, including self-harming. It was easy for him to influence me because I had such low self worth and felt responsible for him. I didn't quite know who I was and he seemed to know himself a lot better. For someone with BPD (found out years later after we broke up) he was able to have his own sense of identity and was pretty consistent. Compared to him I seemed more stable outside but within I felt flaky and insecure about who I was. Or was that another mask he put on? I'll never figure it out.