Reading all these replies (many of which are so helpful , thank you), I am now thinking ... I’m just not into dating right now. It’s not him, it’s just that going on cutie dates with anyone isn’t how I want to spend my time. I want to focus on my dog and my friends and my job (I am maybe maybe up for a huge promotion...) and I really want to get back into shape, after my dog’s bday party this wkd (lol shut up) I have a big clean-eating and exercise program planned that I’m actually looking forward to, I’ve gained some quarantine weight ... I spent 10 years trying so, SO hard to make someone else happy. Ten years of tough relationship talks. Ten years of compromise. I just want to be me, unattached. Maybe for a long time. I’m rambling now but a lot of women my age start to freak out and settle bc they want a baby. I do, too, but I .. know a few women who’ve done it on their own. It’s sounding more and more doable. And certainly much better than settling.

Ha, this poor guy has no idea these are where my thoughts spiral every time we have a date planned. (We have one tonight. He wanted to surprise me. I nicely asked what he had planned — I’m sick of never knowing where I’m going or how to dress...! He wants to take me across town to some rooftop bar. Nothing wrong with that. I just think he is not for me. Like ... you can’t say about someone, oh they’d be great except for this one thing. Part of the person IS that one thing ... his one thing is he is VERY INTENSE and I should let him go so he can find someone who would love that, she’s out there. I’m just so timid post-big relationship. I just want to cautiously meet for beers in the neighborhood - we live near each other - and go on runs.)