I realized that the problem in my relationships were..me. I was never abusive, never cheated and legitimacy tried to love my SO as much as I possibly could, to no avail, because every relationship I shared love with, ended shitty.

I always wanted to blame them, either for this or that, and try to convince my self of the reason why the relationship failed, that it was her doing the undoing.

It took me a while to realize that I was me the whole time. I've been battling with depression and anxiety for so long that it's become part of me, not even realizing the things I do, or don't do, is damaging. At some point in the relation ship, be it 6 months or 3 years, I become an absent partner, going through the motions, and not even realizing something was amiss.

I would be unhappy in a completely loving relationship and I never knew why, never really dawned on me that I was unhappy. I had become so used to being numb, I was completely oblivious.

I've realized that the only way I can be in a committed relationship ship, and be happy, is to first be happy with my self.

And I was kick myself because of the love I lost for foolish reasons. The one I should have married is now gone.

It usually takes me sifting through the ashes to realize what I was burning down.