Hooray! I'm relevant! I'm not a skipper myself, but I have a ton of skipper friends, and I've had the chance to read the entire script for Jungle Cruise.

Skippers have a few rules to adhere by. There is a very long script, with tons of different permutations of jokes you can tell. Some of them are quite boring, while others are hilarious and still others require incredibly random circumstances to let you tell them (my favorite example of an official joke nobody will ever have the chance to tell: If you see a bunch of guests waiting in line for Indy wearing yellow, you can say, "If you look to your right, you will see a bunch of bananas.").

Anyway. You're supposed to stick strictly to the script. And there's a lot of stuff in the script! However, as we all know, skippers sometimes improvise a bit. However, if you tell a really funny joke that isn't in the script and a guest goes down to City Hall and complements you on what an awesome joke that was, you can actually be punished for what's called a "Non-OG Joke" (i.e. a joke that's not in the Operating Guide). That will go down on your record, and if you want a promotion, that promotion can actually be denied because a guest gave you a compliment on a joke you're not supposed to tell. A friend of mine got rejected to be a trainer because he told a Doctor Who joke that a guest really liked a few months beforehand.

So you improvise with caution. However, as I mentioned, there's a lot of stuff in the script -- some of which I had never heard any skipper ever say before. My favorite actually requires a bit of setup:

When a skipper passes by the first elephant they see, they explain to the audience that it's an Indian elephant. They then say, "Do you know how you can tell the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? You can actually tell by the ears. An African elephant has ears that look like Africa!"

The guests kind of assume this was just an informative statement that wasn't meant as a joke (it's actually true, by the way!), and you continue on your way. A few minutes later, you enter the Nile (and if you don't believe me, you're in de-nial).

On the banks of the Nile is an African elephant. When you get to it, you ask the guests, "Do you know how you can tell the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?"

Because you explained the real reason why earlier, hopefully a guest will shout out, "The ears!"

Then you say, "No, it's because we're in Africa," and continue on your way.

I don't know why that joke made me laugh so hard when I read it in the script, but it became easily my favorite joke ever.

Another joke I really like can only be told when it's raining. Guests always complain that the seats are wet, which is a silly thing to complain about when an attraction is outdoors. From what I've been told, a good way to prevent guests from causing issues is by saying, "Your seats will be wet, so be careful. And if you find a dry seat, please let us know -- we have cups of water standing by."

I wish I could learn Jungle Cruise, but CMs are "landlocked" and can only learn attractions in their land. For example, I could learn Autopia or Nemo or Buzz, but I can't learn Jungle or Indy or Big Thunder Mountain. It's actually really depressing that I can't learn it, but at least I can make my day better by telling bad jokes at Star Tours.

I've already stolen a joke from Jungle Cruise that I use when I'm loading a cabin at Star Tours. Usually I'll say, "Come on board! Actually, don't come on bored, come on excited! Yay, Star Tours!" Sure, it doesn't fit with the show exactly, but it makes me happy and fits in well with the other jokes I tell that I didn't steal from Jungle Cruise.