I'm half mindedly Redditing while a joyous two year old squeals constantly. I can't take a dump without her noticing and beating on the door asking what I'm doing.
I drink a red bull at night some nights and after she goes to bed and my wife goes to bed, just to be awake when it's quiet.
I remember listening to an NPR story about a prisoner who read a lot of books because he was bored. For a brief moment I was really jealous of this guy. Then I realized how screwed up it is to be jealous of a prisoner's free time.
I tried to tell my wife I needed quiet time two months ago, we scheduled a half day for me to relax a month ago. Things kept coming up to deal with, and I haven't had that time yet.
My company moved to an open floor plan last year. I never get privacy at work or at home. After the kids go to bed my wife is usually desperate for adult interaction (understandably), and she hates going to bed alone. The only normal way I get solitude is by taking caffeine pills before bed, so I can spoon my wife to sleep without falling asleep myself, then trying to sneak out of bed without waking her. And this is only on the days when we don't watch our niece, because she usually sleeps on our couch.
I've been lonely before, but it was a long long time ago. I'm the first impression my kids have of God, since I seem to be able to solve anything, know everything, and do anything. I'm my wife's main support and most of her adult interaction. It's like it's all or nothing with relationships. Either I've felt like I didn't matter to anyone, or I'm completely consumed by being needed by several people. It's pretty insane to think of how quickly it happened.
To end this post, I'll say that I'm very frank with my wife right now (who is pregnant, and has higher needs right now), I tell her that it's ok that I don't get any me time right now. My pace is not sustainable, but it's ok. She knows that in the next month or two she'll be watching the kids more while I unwind.
My plan is to find a good bottle of 120 proof straight rye and a aromatic tobacco, and get drunk (introspective drunk) looking up at the stars and smoking my pipe. Tobacco and lots of alcohol are so unhealthy for the body but so healthy for the mind.