What's the point of having good experiences now when they will all be gone as soon as our brains quit functioning???

I think the point for people without depression is simply 'for pleasure'. For the pleasure of company (making friends). For the pleasure of improving and achievement (activities). For the pleasure of unconditional love (family, cats). I think these are pleasures that come and go for most people, but remain generally important. Full disclosure: I am not a social scientist, psychologist, or philosopher.

I normally think like you. The thing that keeps me from killing myself is the fact that I have a child dependent who I'm not entirely convinced will be better off without me. I also have a lovely and wonderful companion who would be very sad if I killed myself (I'd also be leaving him with a shitload of stuff to do that he would have to take a lot of time off for and may even lose his job).

There was a time earlier this year, where I felt emphatically happy. I thought I had found the key to being happy, and that is, to kill my capital I, or my ego. I took a lot of pleasure in doing this. It must have been magical thinking associated with some form of desperate mania, because I thought I'd done everything I could to rid myself of vanity and shame, and yet I feel it now more than ever.

The best reason I think I still have is that what if-- what if I do accomplish something great in my life? What if I can someday be my best and touch a lot of lives in a good way? What if I'm just a half a mile away from finding something that works for me? Sure, it doesn't make a damn bit of difference to anyone else. But it does make a difference to me! If I die now, I'm just another tool who leeched off of others their whole life and never paid it back. I want to pay it back now. I want to be good. This is what keeps me ultimately I think from doing the deed.

Hope that wasn't more depressing.