Ok, I see how people think tips are some special entitlement that only servers demand. Keep in mind, some places, the hourly wage is $2.13/hr. So you want to grade me, with my livelihood? Good thing not everyone else is paid according to how well a customer or client thinks you did your job!
That matters, because how well do you know my job, at my particular restaurant? Even when I go eat at another restaurant, I understand the server there has different challenges than I do at mine. So don't think because you waited tables 20 years ago for 3 months, that you know everything about my job.
A lot of times you're understaffed. It can appear that you're slow, but really, you're just the only one around to help 15-20 customers who all came in within 5 minutes of each other. That is challenging. Sometimes the kitchen is fucking up the food, or taking their sweet time, we had no control over that. We're out of something you like? We have no control over that. If we had any in house, we would find it, and cook it ourselves for you because that's what servers do in order to earn our tips. Your frustration is our frustration. And, no matter how smart we are, how good/experienced we are at our jobs, we still make mental errors, because we're human. Everyone forgets things in life. We work at the one job where it's unacceptable to forget, to not correctly hear someone, to misunderstand someone, no matter how confusing, or dizzying their request.
And this is the thing: America is the one country where you tip. It's also the one country where the customer plays rent-a-slave with their server, and keeps flagging us down for tiny little requests, where people feel ok scolding us, being condescending towards us, and these things are the reason why our jobs are hard! Some people think "what is so hard about taking an order, and delivering food?" Well, if people always ordered directly off the menu, with no modifications, if no one ever asked questions, got mad, got fussy, or high maintenance, it would be a very easy job. But that is never the reality for American servers. Customers are extremely high maintenance, you're babysitting people, customers see that you are busy and actually compete for your attention; sometimes you feel like you're being shouted at like an auctioneer, collecting 10 different requests at a time. And the scary part, is you are essentially beating back a mob. If you don't keep up with the requests, all hell will break loose. People will bitch to your manager, they'll bitch to each other, they'll scold you, they'll get their receipt, write no tip, and then tell you what they perceived was wrong with your service. Every waiter has had at least one experience where we felt like either crying, just walking out if work, or both. And it's not because we're sensitive people, our jobs don't allow us to be sensitive people.
This is where all of our stress comes from. If our jobs are easy, we don't make much money, if we make good money, trust me, we did earn it. It's never easy when you make $200 in a shift.
Yeah, technically, we're unskilled. A lot of people can do the bare minimum of serving. But it isn't easy, in the long run. Not everyone is cut out for it. Not everyone can multitask, and make decisions on their toes and if they can't, they will flounder, and be eaten by the mob. No amount of formal education, or general intelligence will make you a good server. You could be a rocket scientist and still be a shitty server. You have to be good at specific things, and a lot of these things you learn, and pick up over time doing the job.
Poor service is when you can literally see that your server is doing nothing, while ignoring you. You see that he's been chatting with his coworker for 10 minutes straight, while your drink is empty. Poor service is also when the server has an attitude, and wants to tell you what you did wrong, and makes you feel like you're inconveincing them by coming into the restaurant.
Beyond that, it's kind of hard to discern what poor service is. And what people should know, is that most customers tip 18-20%. Anything less, and we will... remember you. After awhile, we will remember not to prioritize you. If you tip really low, and ask for a lot of shit, and come in regularly, do you see how we might to start resenting you?
Just leave a good tip. It's the classy thing to do. It's what servers do for each other when we go out. You look like a real asshole when you dine like royalty and then tip like a bum. Don't do that.