What is life like for people after something life-altering like losing a child or accidentally killing someone?

My ex killed my cat. I can’t confirm it because I never found the body, but I never found my cat after plastering the neighborhood with flyers, putting out a trap, litter box, food, toys.. I tried everything. I went to work, came home, and my ex and the cat were gone. My ex had a massive scratch on his arm that my cat would never do unless he was being hurt. He also tried to make me think that the cat was in the basement by ripping off a wall board. He later said the cat got out after I spent days thinking the cat was in the wall. He was a heroin addict and lied about that too. To my face. I don’t know what happened. I try not to think about it. Things were out of place such as my bath mat which was totally soaked, garbage was taken out which was odd and something he would not do ever and it wasn’t even full, and I found drops of blood near my door. I called the cops and they thought I was crazy and didn’t even document the call. I still blame the police department for not taking me seriously. Later on, he committed a crime against me and mentioned my cat again. The cops didn’t document the call, so there wasn’t anything they could do. It changed me. I hate a lot of people and things. I used to be really happy and positive. I feel soulless sometimes and empty inside. I’m a shell of a person I used to be. I had to go to therapy after a failed suicide attempt months later. My brother found me unconscious in my bed. I wrote suicide letters. I picture myself murdering my ex all that time and then forcing his mother to watch as I torture him. Then I picture myself leaving while she cries over her dead son. I hate him more than I’ve ever hated anyone. I really think I’ve lost some sanity. I’m not like everyone else anymore. I sometimes find myself so lost in my own head that it’s like the world and all of its things are nothing. I’m the only person here and I’m stuck in the dark, alone. I’ve done intensive therapy, but it only helps to a point. I was forced to do 15 hours a week at one point. After failing at suicide, I accepted my fate as being stuck here. I hate living most days. Certain things can never be undone. I think the most disturbing thing about this was that I never did anything wrong to him. He did it because he knew I loved my cat and he was a heroin addict. Later on he continued to try and destroy my life after I stopped speaking to him and seeing him. Four months after not speaking to him or seeing him, he makes another move. I got him arrested and the judge gave me a protective order because he could tell this guy was dangerous. The charges were dropped and he was never convicted of anything. The judge made him do some sort of program for a year and dropped all the charges. The judicial system is a joke. This guy also got caught with more heroin about a month ago and somehow got those charges dropped too. I’m just left with a messed up mind and a fear that he’s still thinking about ways to try and hurt me and ruin my life.

/r/morbidcuriosity Thread