Coming from a tumultuous family situation, with a separated mom and dad, I thought it was normal to fight, shout and cry with your partner every day of the week. Then I had my own stormy relationships when growing up, which certainly did nothing to help alter my views.

Then I met my husband. Very calm and collected all the time. I was so afraid that he would up and leave me, that he would explode in anger eventually or ridicule me when I started to open up. It never came. 20 years into our relationship/marriage, I can still count on one hand the times we have had a shouting match. Funnily enough, the thing we've fought about the most have been about my own insecurities regarding our relationship (like worrying he'll leave me etc).

When I think about our relationship it feels cozy, calm and safe. I know I can count on him, that he will have my back and that I can trust him to help me when I stumble. But perhaps most importantly, that I can be vulnerable without worrying that he'll exploit it. In return, I will go to great lengths to do the same for him.

My go to story for this was the first time I had a colonoscopy and they gave me too much sedatives and painkillers. I had asked him to be in the room with me and hold my hand because I was very scared. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, he told me, and he instinctively felt a very strong impulse to defend me to the point that the medical staff soothingly told him not to worry. My otherwise level headed husband was ready to punch the nurse because the feeling of wanting to protect me was so strong it overpowered everything else.

Whenever I worry he might not love me anymore, I think about that story.