(This post ended up becoming pretty long, oops.) I was never an avid churchgoer but did attend on occasion while I was growing up. My family moved around quite a bit so I wasn't stuck in the same small town up until I was about 14.

This town is the crazy example of a weird suburban religious community; primarily Baptist and Catholic. People who live here have lived here their whole lives. I wasn't big on church when we first moved, but someone urged me to go so I went. I went to this church for 2 years and honestly felt very uncomfortable as my time there progressed. Reflecting back, I took church as a chance to ask for boyfriends and material shit and treated the bible the same as I would inspirational quotes from YA novels. This seemed to be the general consensus of the girls in my youth group too. I felt like I was being tested all the time and people would prod at me for answers. I became more judgemental and hateful to other people and myself and didn't THINK about things because what was said in church was always presented as the "right" answer, so I didn't have to process things for myself.

I stopped going Junior year of HS after a conflict with a youth group leader. It was a good decision. I developed severe anxiety somewhere along the line, maybe not completely due to my church experience, but at least partially.

The past 3 years have involved me both physically and mentally moving away from this town and figuring out things on my own and for my personal gain. I've learned how to think critically and my anxiety has been very rare recently. My entire church experience wasn't absolutely horrible - I met good people and I'm glad that those things happened because I wouldn't be who I am now (yada yada.) It's just not for me.