What major events do you think will take place in the next 50 years?

Imagine you’re eating a bowl of Fruit Loops. Your spoon is full of fruity goodness and then you stab yourself in the eye. You missed. So you’ve got this spoon in your eye and you try to take it out. But you end up just twisting it around a lot and your eyeball veins get tangled around the spoon like spaghetti. And then your dog comes and pisses in the hole where your eyeball used to be. And calls you a bitch.

So you’re sitting there with this eyeball around your spoon, piss coming out of your socket, and an asshole dog whipping his dick around. You decide you should probably get help or something but before you dial 911 you figure maybe you’ll put your eyeball back in your socket. Big fucking mistake. Spoonball ends up falling into the hole and you choke on it. You choke on your own eyeball wrapped around a spoon. Your trying not to die not because you have something to live for or any bullshit like that but because you really don’t want your obituary to contain the words spoon, eyeball, piss, choke and talking dog in the same sentence.

Flailing your arms around you grab knife and cut your throat. Well guess what? Too late. Spoonball goes down your throat and into your constipated stomach. Blood squirting out of your throat by the gallon you put on your slippers and slide your way out the door. Once in the car you pray to god that no other and then a seagull comes crashing into your car and eats your head. You die. You fucking die because some random seagull flew through a piece of steel and ate your head.

It wasn’t even an interesting seagull either. Just some boring, pissed off seagull. No one even finds out why the seagull was so angry. He just was.

Anyways, youre in hell now and pretty angry yourself. There you were living what you thought was a perfectly mediocre life and now youre in hell for god knows what reason. Like, literally, god knows. In an attempt to get your life back you ask the devil what’s the deal. Oh, and turns out the devil is a chair. The devil is chilling there just being a chair and youre talking to it for a straight half hour. Youre not sure if hes listening because hes a fucking chair but hey you really have nothing to lose. At last ChairDevil talks and says sure. He tells you that you made a pretty compelling case against not dying and that no ones ever really tried just talking to him to try and work things out. He’s also pretty impressed that despite the flames, brimstone, acid lakes, and flying pigcows you realized that the chair would be the devil.

/r/AskReddit Thread