It's also the energy. Shit I'd go to school, read books quickly, study, spend time.with friends, spend tons of time in my room alone thinking and writing shit, had extracurriculars, got drunk, watched shows, had time for basic self-maintenance (eating, sleeping, shower etc)...

Now. I have one job, standard work hours. I try to read by mostly dont get time during the week day. Drink 2-3 days per week. Dont have energy to socialize. Barely sleep because I'm trying to use the maximum of my free time. I come home and crash. weekends are times when I dont want to do nothing because they are like an oasis in the desert of despair. I just watch something or post shit on reddit cause it's easier than talking to people. There are days when I'll prioritize not showering or not eating just to have more free time or save some meaningless amount of money for alcohol. And I cant image the lives of people with responsibilities like family, I'd blow my brains out.