A guy tried to creep on my girlfriend over MySpace one time, and it wasn't just one or two messages, but full on stalker mode It really made her uncomfortable, especially because he lived in our city. I came up with a plan. Using a few model shots I found on Google, I made a fake profile pretending to be a hot chick and messaged him. Either he was extremely naive, or desperate, or both - he fell for it hook, line and sinker.
So now he was creeping on my female alter ego, I swiftly arranged a "date", just a casual meetup in a nearby bar. The plan was me and a friend of mine would go down there and have a few harsh words, present the evidence of his creeping, and send him away with his tail between his legs (btw I abhor violence and kicking his ass never crossed my mind).
Anyhoo, we went down there at the arranged time and waited by the bar. Half an hour later, he entered and walked up to the bar, anxiously looking around for his smoking hot date. The plan had worked - time to move in!
We didn't waste any time. We explained to him what was going on, and the look on his face was priceless - humiliation mixed with rage! He'd been well and truly Chris Hansened.
It was at that moment, however, we realised we were in over our heads. We'd picked the wrong guy to fuck with. Our internet creeper slowly placed his drink down on the bar, stepped back, rolled up his sleeves, then adopted his kung fu stance.
"Yaaaahhh!" he screamed, spinning his hands in a display of martial art prowess, preparing to administer the asswhooping that was about to come.
But little did he know, he too had fucked with the wrong guys, as he then discovered when we took up our kung fu stances.
The very next moment, the three of us leapt into the air and collided into a brawl of epic proportions. He matched us blow for blow. When we struck, he blocked and went in for the counter attack. When he struck, I backflipped and flew back with a roundhouse kick. The fight raged on, easily matching the suspense and masterful choreography of many of your favourite martial arts movies.
But soon enough, my friend and I were victorious. But it was too late.. The management had arrived, and they were Yakuza. We fought off the first round of attackers easily enough, but then came the swordsmen. Fortunately there was a steel bar welded to a fire door which I managed to effortlessly yank off with one hand, so with that I battled on, in a melee filled with spin attacks, and kickflips off walls.
After I took out all 70 Yakuza fighters, who lay groaning on the floor, everything went quiet. Suddenly, the door to the kitchens burst over in a cloud of smoke (I think I heard a gong being hit as well but I might have imagined that) and out came the one they refer to only as "the Master". In his hands - two flaming swords. Over his face, a mask of pure evil. My moment had come.
The battle was intense, showcasing my entire repertoire of martial arts skills and incorporating many props within the bar area for variety. Until finally, I had beaten the Master. Covered in blood, I began to make my way out of the bar..but then I remembered my friend, where was he?!
And there he was, lying in a pool of blood with a sword through his chest. He was dying. I went in close to comfort him in his final moments. "Tell my wife I love her. We..We really made it, didn't we buddy" he said. Then he died. "Noooooooooo!" I screamed.
Then I went home. In hindsight I should have probably just sent the guy an angry email or something.