This is going to get buried but whatever.

I'm currently in a very rough spot in my life. Growing up I used to be a bright kid who would excel in school and sports. Whenever I looked at something challenging looking up I would always say to myself, "wow that looks difficult, but I'm sure if I really wanted to with time I could easily be able to do it!"

Now I'm at a critical juncture of my life, being 26 years old in a new city and job and find myself incapable of doing even the simplest of tasks. I have extreme anxiety and am extremely inattentive. People at work are starting to figure out I'm just a dumbass who can't keep himself together and that very thought scares me for my future.

I want to get help, maybe I have ADHD or severe depression or even a brain tumor. All I know is day to day I simply cannot even function as a human being. Doing even the simplest of tasks takes hours on end and even then i still do it wrong. My mind then wonders to the million things on my mind that scare me and I'm unable to focus just receding into a dark and lonely place.

I want to get help but my insurance is horrible. I'm contemplating getting a new job that's less stressful but feel if I do so I feel I would let so many down. So many things run through my mind that I can't sleep at night, am tired during the day and when it comes time to sleep I can't and it's a never ending cycle of misery.

I always thought when I grew up I'd have everything figured out since I did so much better in school than most other kids. I was the one who had everything figured out and dedicated time to doing well. Now looking at everyone else around me, it seems like roles have reversed and I'm on the verge of losing everything I have because I can't function as a person.

Even reading this you can tell how broken I am. I can't even construct proper sentences or express how I feel properly, it's such a blur. It took me a good 30 seconds to be able to open my apartment door yesterday as I froze trying to find the key and how exactly to unlock it. When I went to the kitchen to open the pull out drawer for my utensils, I tried to turn the knob instead of just pulling out the drawer itself. I always tell myself that I'll do something then completely forget.

All I know is there's something really wrong and has been since college. When I read something it doesn't register, when people talk to me I can't process what they're trying to tell me.

I'm not even a person anymore. If you read this, thanks for reading.