What is the most disgusting secret you're hiding right now?

I don't know if it's disgusting but it's still bugging me. This is the first time I am sharing this, ever, in any form.

When I was 3 or 4 my uncle's son (15 at the time) tried grooming for sexual purposes. He made me give him a blowjob 3 or 4 times, or maybe more, I don't remember. I am a guy and at the time I had no idea what sex or blowjob is and he taught me it's just some kind of game. I used to tell him that I don't like it and that it smells bad but he said creepy stuff like "You are beatiful" or "you are the only one who can do this". Being as I was, interested in girls from young age (I had like a childish crush going on with my 4 year old neighbor) I told him I don't want to do it but he used to say "I will tell your mom that we fucked and you will get beaten up". It all stopped when he moved away.

Now the maybe even creepier part. Fast forward 12 years, I am almost 17. The guy who did all this stuff to me, let's call him L (because he is a frickin loser), comes to visit us. He thinks that I don't remember anything. We have a chat and all and he even used to come very frequently. My mum really likes him and he is a likeable guy overrall. No one would ever suspect that he once made a 4 year old blow him off. He slept at our place for more than a month. I had to see this scum everyday for 5 weeks and pretend that everything is ok. He acted really cool and chill with me and was really nice in general. He wanted to take me to a bar/pub once but I am not trusting this mothefucker ever again. I am not scared that he will try do something to me, I am scared that he will try and I will beat the living shit out of him and will never be able to explain it to my family (given that I am both taller and heavier than him right now). He is engaged and seems like a pretty normal guy and maybe even regrets what he did, I will never know.

The good thing is that all this stuff really had no permanent effect on me. I am a normal teenager right now, living a normal life and even when I think about what L did (and I remember everything very vividly) I am literally unfazed, I really think nothing of it now and the older I get the less important this shit becomes to me. I still can't open up to anyone but I think I will be ready to do so very soon, tho I don't think I will ever tell any of my family members since I don't want to ruin their relations with L and I still think many won't believe me.

My older brother has a 3 year old son now and I am making sure to never ever leave him alone with L.

/r/AskReddit Thread