I'll start - it's probably not the most hilarious thing I ever experienced, but it's a good story.

I was in third grade and my mother, eldest brother, and older sister, were moving out of our apartment to go live with our grandparents on the other side of the city. Preceding our move, my mom had been dating a guy for nearly a year, but the relationship eventually ended.

Fast forward to moving day.

All of our belongings and furniture have made it to our grandparent's house. Most things have already been put away except for some paper bags near the front door. I didn't recall packing anything up into paper bags so I went to go take a look to see what was inside of them.

Some of the paper bags had food from our cupboards back at the apartment. Others had what looked to be random items from the kitchen drunk drawer. And one bag had all of our silverware in it.

I kept checking the bags and, as I did, their contents grew equally mundane. One bag had stuff from the hall closet, one bag was full of hangers. I get done checking just about all of the bags and I go to check another, expecting to find more stuff that a 3rd grader wouldn't care about.

Upon peering into the bag I find a rectangular black cardboard box that I didn't recognize. The box was standing on its smaller face so that it was standing up length-wise. However, upon further inspection, I discovered the box wasn't entirely black nor was it entirely cardboard. The side of one of its faces was plastic - it was basically a window that allowed you to see what was inside.

I picked up the box and looked through the window and realized it was one of those handheld massagers. I was so excited. I had no idea that we owned one. I had seen them on display at malls and in department stores and always made a point to try them out. However, I never saw a translucent pink one before. Thinking nothing of it, I excitingly opened the box and pulled it out.

Holding it in my hands it felt super squishy - I had never really felt something quite like it before. It didn't have the shape of one either. Instead of looking like a shower head, the one I was holding was more of just a stick and it was really bendy.

I eventually found the dial on the bottom, switched it over and WALLAH! The massager started shaking.

"I knew it! A massager!" I thought to myself. I immediately raised it up and began rubbing it all over against my neck and shoulders, taking in the soothing vibrations.

I'm still near the bags by the front door while this is happening and I hear the front door open. I turn to see who's coming through and it see that it's my brother!

"LOOK!" I said. "I found a massager!"

My brother stood their frozen, his jaw slightly hanging. "FedUpPokemonFan.... That's not a massager...."

"Yes it is!" I declared, thinking he was just jealous that I found it and he didn't.

"No it's not!" He yelled back. "That's a dildo!"

I didn't know what a dildo was, so I continued rubbing and running the pink jiggly stick all over my neck, shoulders, and face. For I knew and cared, it was heaven.

My brother went to get my mom before anyone else saw and she took it away from me. She then had to tell me what a dildo was and why I couldn't have it. And (so she claimed) the dildo did not belong to her but to her ex boyfriend.

TLDR: Thinking it was a massager, eight year old me rubbed a translucent pink dildo that belonged to either my mom or her ex boyfriend all over my neck, shoulders, and face.