What was the most hurtful thing that anyone has ever said to you?

I think I don't even remember (probably weird word placement for you native speakers, I know, but stick with me, it'll become clear). My father and a few ex-gf's have hurt me so much in the last 14-15 years, I've become completely numb to most feelings and forgotten or repressed most memories that led to this. I know things happened and I remember feeling crushed, like everybody was dancing on my grave at the same time. But I don't remember what was said or done to get me to feel that way. It has made me a very rational being.

I couldn't care less about what anyone thinks of me or says about me. Unable to feel love for girls/women anymore, i think(/fear?). All that's left is a bit of general anger, sometimes, but it's so small I can guide it perfectly to come down on someone with exactly the amount of hits (never physical) I want. I use it professionally and to push people (mostly girls) away when they get too close. It's only rational not to let people get too close. They'll get hurt by my inevitable lack of emotion. No need to lead them on and none of them have really held it against me, at least not for long. So it works. And I like to be liked. It makes life easier. Rational.

Ironically, it has left me as quite the well-liked person. I'm a local politician with no problem to solidify my position at any time, because even ideological opponents like me personally. I'm not even 30 years old yet and within my party, outside of it, journalists, ... A lot of them want me to go on and be ambitious and succesful and at least most of them seem to be geniunely supportive. It makes life easy and rational.

All of this from just being this emotionally empty shell that has drawn the conclusion to do his best for society (hence why I'm in politics and don't get disheartened by the disgusting things you have to sometimes see). To just be a good person and be nice to people who aren't a-holes to me. Whoever's really nice to me will get everything from me. Because it's the rational thing to do if you're working to build a nice(r) society: nurture the good.

I even have a big group of friends who would catch a bullet for each other and so would I. But that's really only because I rationally know I'm lucky to have them and so many of them. There's no real feeling there.

Unless I'm really drunk. Then I love all of them, at least that's what I always say. I quickly fall into myself when drunk and watch in awe at the stupid me I become. But he's funny, so it's fine.

Sorry for the rant. I never say this, even to my best friend, although I think he suspects it. I don't want him to think I feel sorry for myself, because I don't. I'm having loads of fun with my friends and at work. I'm perfectly content with how things are. Still, oddly satisfying to see it actually written down.

/r/AskReddit Thread