So I'm in my mid twenties and in a nightclub, the night has been ok and it's clearing out time so I head to the ATM to withdraw cash for some food and a cab home. I enter $50 into the machine and it says successful and to wait for my cash, this screen doesn't change and no cash is forthcoming. I hear a voice behind me, "Time to leave"(The bouncers, hooray), I try to explain the situation, all the while pressing the buttons on the ATM like some kind of fucked up Stevie Wonder. "Out now!" I try to explain again but as I mumble I am grappled around the waist from behind. I immediately grab on to the top of the ATM and due to the force around my legs I suddenly find myself horizontal, about 5 foot in the air, so naturally I vomit. At this point the bouncer lets go of my legs and I fall to the vomit pile face first, great no taxi for me. The rage descend and I rose from the ground in a rotating motion and delivered a clean uppercut to the bouncer behind me and the bouncer drops. FUCK YES! I look out the windows, all the boys are there, instant barbaians, I feel proud and manly...until I hear the radio on the bouncer saying "Brenda's down!! Brenda's down!!!"

I glance down, it's a fucking woman bouncer, I've just knocked out a woman, in front of everyo....SLAM I get crushed by what seemed like a million bouncers, getting boots from everywhere.

I am literally thrown out of the club and land in a vommy-blood soaked pile on the floor and then the pain hits, my balls are fucking hurting , like someone had taken one out and replaced it with a cue ball that had been microwaved for a day.

Off to A&E to get myself checked out and so began a year long process of physio and surgery (to remove scar tissue on the tubes that connect balls to boner) and no sex for maybe 8 months. So painful, couldn't sit down and still to this day, a decade later almost, my nuts are not what they were.