What is the most smart ass thing you've said to a cop without getting a ticket?

Not really smart-ass, but I definitely got hooked up.

A long time ago, I was an infantry Marine who had re-enlisted to become a Marine Embassy Guard. I had a clean background, and am conscientious, but it's pretty easy to have any little thing disqualify you from that particular job.

I'd just checked out of my command in California, and was heading home for a month of leave before winding up in Quantico for my MSG training. I was in good spirits, I had everything I owned in the back of my Charger, and an unusually open highway in front of me. I started pushing the petal to the metal, and was driving 100+ MPH every time I glanced at the speedometer. So there's a speed zone on the loop that goes around Commerce off the...405? or maybe the 5. (It's been a while, I forget...) Anyway, the speed limit drops to like 45 or 55 for a brief span of time. I blew through that area doing triple digits and almost immediately saw the cherries pop on behind me. FUCK!

I was sweating bullets a little, because when I said "everything I own" was in the car with me, that included two of my handguns. Since I was in the process of driving cross country, I'd decided to keep a loaded handgun in the center console. No, I didn't have a carry permit.

I'm pretty certain that getting caught doing 40 over the posted speed limit was an immediate impound of the car, which would likely tack on a weapons charge for me. Dome light went on, hands at 10 and 2. Cops approached with their hands on their weapons and talked to me. They noted the seabags in my car and my Camp Pendelton base decals on the vehicle and relaxed a little. When they asked me how fast I thought I was going, I just shrugged and said that I knew I was speeding, probably a lot, but I wasn't sure. Cop 1 claimed they'd tagged me doing 108 MPH. They chatted a bit, I turned over my license and registration and they went back to their squad car for about fifteen minutes. They returned and told me it was my lucky day. They were both former Marines, both of them former infantry as well, and they hadn't found anything on my record so they were going to let me go with a warning. The older cop told me that I needed to slow down, and he said he'd seen too many young guys like me die in accidents of their own making while driving too fast. I thanked them and went on my way. much more slowly.

Biggest break I ever got. I got tagged basically doing 50+ mph over the posted limit and they didn't give me a ticket.

/r/AskReddit Thread