Yep... I continue to respond with "divorce him" our 19th anniversary is next weekend.
She wanted me to fly down and spend it with her....
I told her last September when she asked me.... Divorce him
I cancelled my tickets last week because she hadnt signed papers....had them drawn up...but didnt go through with it yet....she has some sort of thing going about hurting him, fearing I would have regret and not want her if I actually had her back, and finally an admitted internal struggle with her feeling of power in her relationship with him, and powerlessness with me.

Its terribly complicated....and I have my own share of issues Ive not gone into here.....
So despite loving her, knowing she loves me and hes not significant....
Its not how I am wired. I am 0% poly. Ive never had a straight girlfriend nor a threesome. And once she married me, had my kids....
Im bonded. Ive tried....I havent been able to have a decent relationship since her because we arent done. Hell my second marriage ended because of how close I remained with my first.

So if I stay across the country... If I dont let her touch me when we do see each other....
And if she makes sure she keeps her other out of my reach...
I can turn a blind eye to the fact that some repulsive creature is hoarding the love of my life....
no one dies...
and I can keep taking great care of our daughters instead of going to prison

seems like the best plan...till she gets her head right and divorces him...or finally answers my question with "we are over" because Ill likely never let go as long as she still loves me....as much as I sometimes wish i could.