I got food poisoning from eating a piece of smoked sausage that turned out to be a lot older than what I thought it was. I found it in the fridge when I was high and kinda drunk and was jazzed up because I had the munchies something fierce. My girlfriend at the time was like "Don't eat that, it can't be good." I was all "Psssh, it'll be fiiinnnnee."

It wasn't fine at all.

I was at a job interview at Toys 'R Us when it hit. I had been sweating and feeling a bit off on the drive there. I excused myself in the middle of it because the interviewer was like "Are you ok?" as my guts proceeded to feel like they were digesting themselves. It was so loud I'm certain the guy could hear my stomach groaning. I asked if they had a restroom and he pointed me to it. I rushed in and my god, the smell. I have not nor ever since smelled anything like that come out of my body or anyone else's for that matter.

I had hoped I'd feel better after that but it had only just begun. I spent the next week of my life in utter misery. The first two days I lived on the toilet. My ass was raw after the first day. I spent the next laying in the shower alternating between sweating and freezing. The only way I could find any comfort was switching the water temps. I know it's gross but it was also the only place I could expel whatever was coming out of me. At one point I legitimately thought I might die from it since I couldn't keep even water down. It took a week and a half but it eventually let up and I moved on with my life but I can see why they take food safety so seriously. I lost probably 20-25 lbs during the whole episode (mostly water I figure).