What do you need to get off your chest?

I'm 16, I plan on joining the army when I turn 18 and I am terrified that I am a psychopath. I've been an angry, bitter person for as long and I can remember (broken keyboards, broken monitors, broken stuff from rage, threw a chair at my wall, many punched walls) I used to hurt my siblings (not like beating the crap out of them, but throwing apples and stuff ((I never meant to hurt them, but to just get them away from me when they annoyed me but sometimes would). I wish I was never born for the sake of the people around me. Ever since I woke up and realized I needed to stop ASAP I have been trying to better myself as a person and help out my family financially when I am older. I used to not want to go to college, but now I want to go just to help my parents retire and save my siblings in case of any financial troubles. I want to make things right for them, I don't deserve such a loving and wonderful family, I wish they had an older brother worth looking up to and not me. I hate myself for everything I have done, I was everything I despise in a person (liar, cheater, theif, and lazy) I am currently working out, just to beat the crap out of my bully when I see him again (he weighs 60+ more pounds than me) and I broke his brothers arm ( he is my size and age) in a fight after he wanted to join in the fun, as my bully, and I didn't feel any pity, which shows why I hate myself. I want to join the army, to defend my country and be like my ancestors before me. TLDR: Scared of being a psychopath and I am trying to get rid of any remnants of my scummy past.

/r/AskReddit Thread