I don't believe anyone when they say that I matter to them. Leaving me always feeling alone and worthless.
I start to feel better but I always seem to fall back into a negative state.
I've gotten to a point where I've had to hold back tears around people and end up laying on my bed crying (Which I've never been someone who cries.) feeling hopeless. And I can't see an end to it cause it doesn't matter what anyone says I'll always find a way to invalidate it and make myself believe otherwise. I can't talk to anyone about it cause I don't want the people I care about to have to bear the burden of taking care of me mentally. I'm too afraid to act like myself for fear of not being someone they'd like even though I know in my head they wouldn't do that. I don't wanna go through my life like this but I don't know any way around it. It looks endless. And as tempting as it is, I know suicide isn't an option.
Even if they sit me down and ask how I'm doing, I know I'll just lie and say I'm doing pretty good for the sake of not being a burden.
If anyone feels the same way know you're not alone and stay strong though this. As hard as it is, and as hopeless as it seems, we can't allow ourselves to give up.