“In spite of me” by Morphine used to come up now and then when i hit random. I cry every time. I thought of it as a marker, a test of distance from losing touch with step children and the pain of losing touch with them in the divorce. It brought good memories to a place of pain and sorrow as deep as a well. It is still a work in progress to move those memories to a part of me that cherishes them, recognizes the “be happy they happened” without coopting the songs guilt and sorrowful lyrics as my own narrative. Maybe one day break down the whole power it has over me that I helped make. The pain I feel for losing them needs no soundtrack.