What NSFW story have you wanted to tell but didn't have the specific thread for it?

Ohohoho. Two years ago I took 8 shots of cheap-ass vodka in 30 mins (enough to absolutely destroy me, I'm pretty small) and started going through my old text conversations. There was this guy who I had hooked up with a few times about a year before and we had remained friends, but he had begun seeing someone else. I invited his roommate over and proceeded to call him and yell at him for some imaginary dumbshit and, in front of my three roommates and his roommate, screamed "I take back all the times I swallowed your cum." My roommates thought it was hilarious and told all their friends (with my permission). The guy's roommate thought it was less funny but that's okay because we've been dating for a year now and we live together. As for the guy himself, I had done stupid drunk shit to him before so by then he was used to it. The worst part was five hours later I had to take a shuttle to the nearest airport 3 hours away and I was still so drunk I was falling over and by the time I was on the plane I was the most hungover I have ever been and was throwing up every ten minutes. That night ruined my ability to take straight shots.

/r/AskReddit Thread