I grew up with an alcoholic step father who came into the picture when i was about 6. Up until my mom started dating him, it was just the two of us (biological father passed away when i was 2). He appears like a nice guy from the outside but in reality he leans towards the self-pitting-depressed-drunk usually. I say usually because he has this underlying anger to him. When other people weren't around, he was always trying to control me and make me "respect" (read: fear) him. Whenever he didn't feel like i was respecting him enough he would back-hand me or pin me to wall and poke me in the chest very hard while he grit his teeth and threaten to make it worse if i showed any emotion.
A handful of times (about 6 times), from ages 7 to 14, he would go too far when he was angry and he would really hurt me. Kick me. Throw me. Choke me. Hit me hard enough to knock me down. etc. Anyways, when i was 16, my mother who struggles with depression, attempted suicide. It was difficult and heartbreaking to go through, but the whole thing kind of brought light to a lot of the problems in our family and brought us together in a way. My stepdad even quit drinking for a while.
One day, a year later, i got into an argument with my parents over something i don't recall and then suddenly, i just exploded with pent-up emotion against my father. I basically just tore into him and called him on all of it in front of my mother. Afterwards I tried to run outside and get in my car to leave but he blocked the driveway so i got out of the car and started screaming at him more, only now it was in front of our neighbors who came out when we started screaming indoors. I told him that he ruined me and he ruined my mother. I told him that i hated him and wish that he never came into my life and all that stuff. He finally let me leave.
After staying at a friend's house for a about a week my step father called me crying. He was apologizing for everything. I had never seen or heard him cry so i went back. We basically had this big cry-fest and it was very emotional and i said that i would forgive him and it was time to try and have a real relationship. Now this is my secret.
Im 24 now and live on the other side of the country from my parents. We have a normal-ish relationship now i suppose. I fly there a few times a year if i can and we get along pretty well. Only what i don't tell anyone is that i still have nightmares about those times. Deep down, im still really angry and i know that i haven't forgiven him. I smile, and i share with everyone and laugh with them but im just trying to not ruin it you know? I don't think anyone could handle it if i brought it up again. It makes me feel like they don't really know me.