I feel cracked open, I exposed everything and have not degenerated to anything but stillness for a very long time. Show me wisdom, show me individuality, directly give evidence to assumption of any form being concrete. That is a fucking trap. I hope it's kinder to you than it is to me.

This came only from reaction, this is the most real anything has ever felt to me, do not dismiss. I have never allowed certainty to be as concrete as I feel coursing through my body with complete light. Nothing matters in this truth, not the slightest your rejection of considering it all. That and everything else was everything to me, and it was me. it would forever be me, unless I saw how the fake way I perceive other people was also a part of me, so much to become me. This clicking destroyed identity absolutely. There is no me-never was.

Do not refuse the possibility of everything I describe being truth in whole sense, and fight your entire life or give the fuck up right now to being lost and going at it half-assed. Dead seriousness, this is not the weak shell of confusion always known.

This is the shiningly evident wall that will break you down, each time you pick up the pieces of meaning and hope you can still find what were never to be found, and that is a meaningless, chained mind retreating from the marching sound of the most painful mercy. It keeps growing louder the harder it becomes to hide, more difficult to postpone it's wrath.

All of the beauty is magnified and amplified when it's simply taken in. We can react without thought, like dealing with consequence to require andy immediate action. Pure adrenalin of an emergency, etc. instincts can bypass noise of thought, and vanish as quickly as they took over. The exact same can occur intellectually, and it's not easily forgotten. It is a level of such focus it can only be achieved in the absence of self. There lies the answer, and also the issue of finding a place to begin. There has to be a constant need to find this out to progress. Not posessing the propensity to forceably invalidate comforting thought, every lie you make, pleasant or not is ESSENTIAL.

Asking for anything because you deserve more or are at a dead end is seen to me as transparent weakness of coupling infinite consciousness with a filthy incompetent vehicle, IE the human body. I have never been sure of anything in my life, so unsure to envelop cyclic thought of desperate confusion. The audacity to be so sure of something other than lack of confidence that came with building a prison years in the making awakened recognition. The simplicity of the recognition is so incredibly obvious afterward.It looks too good to be true, and thought expended trying to unlock recognition is your own worst enemy. No other route but comittment and suffering through the possibly endless mental trauma will bring you near enough to the water to drink.In struggle to recognize, all efforts were wasted gazing eyes terminally contaminated with guilt, by entitlement and by distance so pervasive it could ONLY lead to nihilistic despair. That's desolate torment, forever being within sight and knowledge of truth but NEVER grasping it enough to trade my weakness to just take. Expectation has to be shed completely, because you really are nothing, It's only a lie you can believe in for so long. Any discomfort dwelling within from my words? Doubt? Show me, provided you can even articulate the vague, fake place it came from because it feels too real to dismiss. Not good enough anymore. You are nothing. Truth is painful to only weakness. Any meaning colored by interpretation is only relative to the deluded devices that created it, one with inseperable cheapness of believing in a single lie.

Clarity and enlightenment are mutually exclusive with individual identity. Heart is pounding in the silence of present and only recognition. I am hereby putting all my strength into receiving the gift of being, not crushing the weakness of only being aware of it's eternal light. Being beat into submission by fear and insecurity will create a worthlessness you only deserve from running. You are threatened with giving in, futile resistance is the ONLY alternative, and returning to it over and over by concealing, from denial, from the endless noise of thought will be the story of your life, one that nobody else ever reads like you did. the tools are laid on the table if you can give it all up. They won't ever be taken away, as long as complacency never shows its ugly face. Never assuming again, not shying away from pain can make the gift of seeing the infinite consciousness that flows within you and without you becomes as clear as anything could. Denying that freedom is mental weakness, tantamount to rejecting that consciousness in favor of division and pain. It's infinite, ever louder undercurrent in moments inexpressible will hasten itself toward blessing only a selfless, receptive long-lost soldier strong enough to battle to the bitter, destructive process of recognition will be allowed passage back into the quintessence of their own true nature... And now I feel still. This is a turning point, and it isnt coming from a shallow place, but the real has been realized to me and the fear and truth of no-permanence hit me in the face like a brick when it shattered all of the self-propagated perceptions that colour every single thing all of us say, and 100% essential to every thought. Before all else, one single lie is the soil for every one of us, you better try to rationalize it if weakness is to be put above truth.

Only the vibrancy of stillness. Nothing will ever be physical or have relevance but the very fucking second you find yourself in. No being born, birth.. not dying, death. You are a fallacy of your own careful creation. Imagination runs at the heart of the prison of lies.

There's the peace, the naked infinite constant, teeming with independence of all deconstruction or saneful ability to ignore without deceiving. That filthy, paper thin constitution of a coward will discard all self-examination, given the conclusions seen through daylight are of infinite strength, the kind of strength that will destroy a persons psyche to ruins. Unless you are completely happy with not questioning at all, a doe-eyed hippy or a worthless guido from New Jersey, the following will be where you reside, being religious or pseudo-spiritual. Long since moved past that terribly universal affliction. Is where YOU and I found ourselves. This is the step largely ignored by the pitiful integrity of almost everybody else. You, I am telling you right now are aligned toward a peace that is completely beyond the reach of even the most shifty agnostic. There is no spiritual or esoteoric ideals of anything required other than you to make this work, and that is beyond your ability to corrupt with self. And it can't be modified to turn a profit. The only change you can spend is the cost of admitting everything you run circles around being totally fake, just like you expected. The price is high, and the result is only through suffering and sacrifice. There will never be anything else. I mean it, you will never escape the prison without perseverance, and it is an absolute prison.

If you can't question your own self-affirmed web of lies that give you bearing through assumption, the mind will relentlessly put all of it's energy trying throw you off, and maintain it's wholeness when it takes every resort to avoid the alternative of it being revealed as nothing, and with it all the vanity and weakness that holds up the ever-crumbling foundation ego. This is you, man. This is me if I lose sight of being nothing. It isn't attractive, and that's why I cannot deny it being truth that silences all of the noise in my head without fail. Saying it again, assuming you exist as an individual within your brain is mutually exclusive with recognition of what you may be able to conceptualize. It is not bullshit, it is real, and independent of any laughable judgement, out of reach when full of questions that root themselves in entitlement. You can't take it without becoming worthless, so ignore the pull toward that infinite freedom until you die if it's too scary. Even beginning to dismantle the single massive lie will have you terrified. There, either veracity, boldness and integrity will trump the flaccid heroism in maintaining self-deception. There is no judgement of anything than realizing the truth behind being, because there is nothing outside of being. You weren't given the special gift of making sense of the nothing you came from, or the nothing you will forever be. Nothing real was ever there to be lost, and being nothing during life is the ONLY thing you can presume. ALL of the incessant doubt is replaced with stillness of present. The quality of it being so irrefutable is terribly at odds with awareness while being weak, needy, vulnerable. Everybody is. You always will be, and this is absolute proof of why nothing is changed but vague noise of ego always demanding more.

It doesn't feel like comfort, it feels like void. It feels like the peace I deserve through unrepentant anger. It is conscious embodiement of the only truth, the plain truth of my life, your life. It's really pretty awful.

The peacefulness through believing a lie is of the same worth as one found in truth. Delusionary sources of happiness are beyond my grasp, so the suffering required to get there becomes necessity. There is no rationale behind debasing others from living through lying, because it sure would be nice. Pulling that rug out from under somebody is sadistic if they haven't become obsessed with asking the question on their own enough that it becomes as severe in clarity as truth actually is in it's ruthlessness, consummation won't be actualized another way