Well…

I learned that it’s not normal to feel like you are walking on eggshells constantly with someone. It’s not normal for someone to break up with you/block you on everything when you don’t answer their calls for two hours. It’s not normal for them to call you names. It’s not normal for them to tell you how to dress. It’s not normal for them to not allow you to socialize with other men in work/social settings. It’s not normal for them to be drunk in the middle of the day for no apparent reason. It’s not normal for them to weaponize trauma you’ve experienced as a result of them. It’s not normal for them to make you feel socially isolated and anxious.

I can go on and on… but I would say most important lesson I’ve acquired is to confide in someone else if something is happening in your relationship that you don’t feel is quite right. I used to believe relationships were between two people and whatever occurred between those two people stayed between them… but if I had just told someone, literally anyone, I could have avoided a lot of hardship. Its really easy to normalize terrible things when you have no outside reference and you make it easier for people to treat you poorly when they know they are doing so behind a closed curtain.

It wasn’t until after I got out that I told others what happened, showed them what was said/done, etc. that I realized my relationship was abnormal, wrong, and quite frankly a bit scary.

Anyways- my words of wisdom: if you’re worried someone will think less of your partner if you tell them something they did.. they probably shouldn’t have been doing that and that’s their burden to bear not yours. Also don’t date abusive people.