So much.

It was just one awful thing after another.. right before my 2nd semester I was sexually assaulted and it changed me forever. I threw myself into my classes and made the deans list that semester. But I also began to have panic attacks, and midway through the semester I had what we would later find out was a heart arrythmia, show up for the first time.

I came home for summer break and got into a relationship, I trusted and confided in him what happened with my assault. I also decided that I was going to transfer home so I could get a better job because I working and going to school, but also so I could keep my cats because my Dad was moving and wanted to get rid of them. When I was in highschool my Dad told me I could live with him in University if I went to school in town, but when I asked about this he said no, and told me I had to find my own place. So I was left scrambling for an apartment for myself and my two cats.

This is when I ended up signing a lease with my boyfriend of 4 months because I had no other option. I wanted to keep my furniture and cats. So we moved in together.. and he became abusive. I won't go into specifics but he did threaten me, got physcial, and he threatened to kill my cats. He also sexually assaulted me. I ended up having a pregnancy scare because he wouldnt use condoms even though i begged him to, I was in the last month of my sophomore year at this point.

I had this nosy professor who just had to know why I was coming to class drained and wasn't enthusiastic about it. I ended up breaking down to her and she was not kind about it. I had also lost most of my friends during all of this, they told me I was too negative. Over the summer I was ready to break up with my ex, and then he blew his hand up with a firework so I had to take care of him and plan our move to a new apartment. This new place was nearly uninhabitable, the whole bathroom was covered in black mold and we couldn't shower there. I broke up with my ex almost two months into the semester but I was stuck living with him until it ended. He became more aggressive and threatened to get my cats taken away, during finals I had to have someone I barely knew come into the apartment and grab my cats for me. I got my stuff out that weekend and thought maybe the nightmare was finally over.

And then I got sick on Christmas. I thought maybe rest would help and I'd be back to myself In a week, but I wasn't. I decided for this new semester I'd go part time and up my hours at work from 30 to 40 hours, cause I was searching for an apartment while living with my mom. I noticed that I was feeling really dizzy and exhausted all the time and it just wouldn't let up. I worked on machines in a factory, it wasn't safe to feel like that. It was January 2020. In February I went to my pcp and mentioned my concerns.. then in March covid hit. The first week of April I had an episode with my heart and I decided then I needed to take a leave of absence from school and work. I never went back to either after I was diagnosed. I had an ablation later in the year and was diagnosed with dysautonomia/POTS.

So..yeah. A lot ruined it.