Men who wear cargo shorts and one of the following shirts: Death Grips Guillotine shirt, Swans Filth shirt, Swans “You Fucking People Make Me Sick” shirt, Swans “Public Castration is a Good Idea” shirt. This makes me think you care too much about Anthony Fantano’s opinion and don’t know how to color-coordinate. It also makes me suspect you’ll say something shockingly sexist after three months of normal friendship.

Since I like girls too: any outfit with too much Brandy Melville or, alternatively, the “preppy T-shirt and Nike shorts” look. I subconsciously register these women as completely heterosexual and can no longer conceive of them as a romantic or sexual prospect.