I wasn't judging you. I've been there. But you always have a choice. You can choose to get help or you can choose let other people dictate your future. You can choose to forgive yourself and others (even when they don't deserve it)r you can choose to define yourself by what you've been through. I'm not going to post my life on a public thread but I've been there and found myself on the better side of it. After a lot of counseling, I've allowed myself to be released from my past and I no longer allow the people who have severely wronged and damaged me (not going to post all of my scars) continue to have any impact on my present or my future.
There IS hope for you if you choose happiness for yourself with the help of professionals and trust their guidance. Your perspective is clouded by depression and pain so an objective 3rd party is an amazing way to bring clarity to your life.