I spent a hundred hours playing a dumb game(over a number of months) with them when I was otherwise quite unhappy with myself under extreme strain and stress in a job with a boss who basically suggested on many occasions i was an idiot and incapable of doing right. She trickled in girlfriend stuff. I was blindsided. I chased. She told me lots of real real dark shit. I was super important to her but life was hard. I was the center of her life blah blah blah weeks of increasing closeness. Sudden farness. Oh by the way you never meant anything to me lol

Retrospect I definitely dove in and was nuts. When she added distance I became crazier than I ever imagined for a while. I was spending all my time with her. I've never really felt anything like that roller coaster. I'm scared to really do anything like this shit again. People are dark evil creatures and I was nuts.

Jesus writing that out is painful. I just want to be something to someone and have that reciprocated. I'm now in a great high paying job a pretty smart funny dude but fuck if this shit ain't awful to deal with.