The whole concept of inheritance is crazy. Take all emotion out of it and look at it as a business case... one individual upon their death transfers a sum of money to another individual. The recipient doesn’t know it’s coming, and en route the government can step in and grab a handful. The recipient gets what’s left, but has no opportunity to thank the sender, leading to guilt in some cases. It usually enhances the quality of life of the recipient at a time when they don’t especially need it, being themselves at or near retirement age with grown-up children. Care fees might scotch even the best-laid plans.

Gifting on the other hand is far superior. The sender can use their tax-free allowance to gift money to the recipient whilst both parties are still alive, removing the taxation erosion and the aforementioned guilt. It can enrich the life of the recipient when they need it most (still working, kids are younger) at a time when the sender is there to see and enjoy the benefit of their gift.

In your case it sounds like it’s the difference between your children getting to be brought up by their own mother or a stranger. It’s the difference between you feeling like you can afford their school trip or you can’t. Maybe even the difference between you moving/extending your house to provide extra comfort, or making do with a smaller inconvenient family home.

Have the conversation and stuff the taboo. Once you’ve talked inheritance it’s not a huge leap to discussing gifting. There’s a reason people say “nobody lies on their deathbed regretting not working more” ... if the “pain” of one uncomfortable conversation improves your family’s quality of life right now, then why the heck wouldn’t you do it?