What’s a red flag that you ignored in a significant other, only to realize it was a bigger deal later?

This is tricky and I haven't been sure entirely how to cover it because from the perspective of the person who is stressed and shouting and misbehaving, the stress is coming from the people around them.

And realistically, in every single relationship, when we are in close quarters with someone, our stress is at times going to bleed into them.

So it's hard to make a delineation between what is normal and what is unhealthy (or what is a normal amount of unhealthy)

But having just been briefly seeing someone who behaved in this way, I realized the big thing was that I was trying to understand and forgive her and find where I had done wrong and what I could have done better, while she at no point said she was wrong for shouting at me.

I don't think it's realistic to say the best SO will "take away stress" because I know certain people who I'm certain add a special kind of stress into their SO's life (suuper caring but frantic people) but I do think that understanding and acceptance of your SO is ultimately the most gratifying thing for both parties, and if you're in an argument, it's because one of you is failing to try and understand the others perspective.

/r/AskReddit Thread Parent