Smoking in the car is a big deal?

It never bothered me because I liked the smell. They also smoked in the house.

I have asthma as well..... Wait a minute!

Fuck it I smoke a pack a day now anyway and drink twice as much as any of my family that didn’t die of drunk driving.

My parents fought a lot. I know it’s because of me. Neither had a education and even though Dad did his best and IS a great father it just wasn’t enough. If they had never had me or just waited until one of them got a education then they’d still probably be together.

At 16 my mom asked if I was ok with them getting a divorce early (the plan was to divorce him when I turned 18 and moved out. The divorce fucked that up and made me feel responsible for my fathers sorry state and I still haven’t moved out. Among other things) she asked me to keep it from him and I did.

I fucking regret that everyday. I hate myself for not warning him or trying to help them work through it. Suggest couples therapy or something.

I haven’t spoken to her in 8 years and don’t plan to.

Aside from a slight Oedipus complex I’m good now. /s

But, now my Dad just wants to kill himself and it’s all he ever talks about. I just wanted the fighting to stop.

The grandpa that was alive long enough for me to remembering get to know use to ride around with a six pack in the floor. Since it was the backwoods no where I really don’t blame him. He eventually quit drinking mostly and is the only thing I miss from my moms side.

My dad telling me stories about how much drugs he use to do and all the pussy he got in his youth probably wasn’t great for 13 year old me to hear. But, I was prepared for the drugs and knew what to avoid so that’s good.

Also I now know that he was stoned as fuck while playing Resident Evil. I know that smell now and now I know why the dipshit didn’t tell me his drink was a spit cup when I asked.

Wew Jesus haven’t vented like that in a while. Gonna have to delete this shit tomorrow.