I've re-read The Bell Jar every five years or so since I was 14 years old. It holds up and somehow completely changes every time I read it. It makes me desperately sad and relieved not to be alone in my emotional states at the same time. I'm severely depressed and think about suicide to the point where it's habitual. I've been this way for years and I'm in a strange place where I've realized I'll probably never stop thinking about killing myself. My first crush shot himself in the head in middle school and the next year I was sexually abused by my writing teacher in a prestigious program. I've had a few moments of happiness but most of my life has been exhausting and bleak. I'm thinking about the part of the book where Esther is burning out at the magazine, and how badly she wants the money to go to school and how desperately flat the entire world seems. I'm in a really, really dark place right now and I hope it passes soon.