What is the saddest detail about your life that no one knows?

My ex-boyfriend, who was my first serious relationship that lasted for around two years, was abusive; physically and mentally. He was the first person I thought I cared about, and he made me think he cared about me. I tell everyone I broke up with him because he cheated on me, but I really broke up with him because of all the abuse. He would rape me, beat me when he was upset, when he was mad, when he and his mom got into a fight, he'd even do it when he was happy. And on top of all of that, I had a horrible pill addiction plus an eating disorder, so he'd use that against me. One day in my junior year of high school, I found out I was pregnant from him. I went to Planned Parenthood to find out and to get help making a plan for myself and my baby. I told him about it, and he told me I should abort it. At that time, I was in a dumb feminist/anti-abortion phase (no offense to anyone who has had one), and I told him I would never do that. After I told him that, he punched me in the stomach multiple times, and even went as far as pushing me down his stairs. He'd always put my preferred pills in front of me and leave the room, knowing exactly what I would do, and made me smoke and drink to hurt my baby, but I was too scared to not do what he was forcing me to. I miscarried a few days later. My heart was absolutely broken, and I fell into a deep depression. I stopped eating, talking to all of my friends, well the ones that were left since he told me to stop talking to everyone. But the depression got me to stop talking to him, and I eventually got the balls to break up with him, which he didn't take very well, but that didn't matter. I was done with him and all of his abuse and his manipulation and all of his shit. I'm currently in such a happy, and healthy relationship and I absolutely adore this man. But I can never tell him that I'm still absolutely terrified of everything that happened with my ex. He scarred me in every single aspect; sexually, physically, and mentally. And I feel as though that has negative effects on all of my other relationships with people. And it makes me feel like honest shit, but I'm too scared to talk to anyone about it because I think they'll assume it's just for attention.

/r/AskReddit Thread