Quite a long story, but story of my life that no one I know knows the real truth about. In high school I was a depressed and anxious teenager in western Europe, but one of the things that made me willing to exist was when I met who I then thought was my soul mate. She lived in the US, was a year younger than me, and we used to talk every day for day and night. By the time I finished high school I told my parents I wanted to go to college in the US, but in truth it was all to meet and live with the girl my life revolved around. It felt like a gun shot to my heart when I opened an email from her, telling me that she hasn't been honest about who she really is. The main thing was that she was 10 years older than me and it was the first time I actually found out her real name. By then it was too late I thought, to not go abroad. Out of shame, and also because I did have feelings for this girl. I knew she didn't lie about her personality. By the time summer ended I kissed my parents good bye, and left. When I arrived, and she awaited me at the airport, I was happy and relieved to finally meet her, but not all of it was genuine. Time passed by. I now lived with her in an apartment, lying to my parents why they never saw any expenses for housing. I was still to afraid to tell my parents I was staying with my girlfriend. After six months I finally told them. Of course they were happy for me, but I never really felt happy. I never wanted them to find out how old she really was. The longer I stayed with her, the more I really learned to know her. She is in no way a bad person, but she carries a heavy mental burden from a scarring and abusive past. She had a pot addiction, and would spent around a hundred dollars every week to feed it. As my love for her depleted, sympathy and compassion replaced it. Feelings began to become an act, and I lost myself, as I felt she was the only one to really know me. It went so far that I let her make me propose to her. On valentine's day she came home crying, saying she was hoping I would propose to her then. I felt so bad to think I let her down, that I let her buy us engagement rings online. It seems insane and unhealthy now, but back then I was blinded by my sympathy for her and her past. I wish I knew now how good she is at manipulating. She is responsible, honest, and friendly enough to hide her manipulating tendencies, introverted enough to not appear narcissistic, and not conscious enough about her manipulations to show that she actually is manipulative. At the end of the year we got married. By now my parents had met her, found out about her age, and had accepted her, because they thought I was happy. These years have been a blur as I just stumble through life, doing what is expected from me. In the last 2 years I have seen her addiction grow, been through monetary problems, have been accused of cheating with a friend, been cheated on by her with 2 online 'friends', tried to leave her, but eventually stayed. On that night, as she cried her eyes out, threatening to kill herself, all I could see was anger towards her. But as I looked at her breaking down, all I could see was myself in her. How I know sadness and disappointment. It all reflected on me. After a few hours of talking I told her I believed in the relationship and that I would stay. Not out of love, but because I didn't want to let her down. This was a few months ago. My life has been around 70% unhappiness, even though I am not depressed. I have learned to deal with the emptiness and to focus on the other 40%. Blinding myself from the mistake of never leaving.