I often feel like everyone is mocking me for my failures behind my back. And my self worth is very little. I'm 26 I'll be 27 in a few days and other than living with my gf who works a full time minimum wage job to support us I bring nothing to the relationship other than my love for her. I don't smoke, or drink. And I've never done drugs. I have no kids and I've been with my gf for 9 years. I often think about how much better off she would be with out having to take care of someone as worthless as me. I've worked maybe 4 months in my entire life, and while I worked to the best of my ability I could never maintain the exertion a manual labor job requires. I am out of shape, and I'm about 225lbs at 6ft. I've owned 1 vehicle my father got me when I turned 18. I had it for 3 years before he took it back and scrapped it. I'm not a push over, but I often go out of the way to do favors for my family. I always assumed not doing drugs or being an alcoholic would give me some sort of advantage. I grew up with all of my family members being major pot heads and alcoholics so when i was very young I made a pledge to not follow in their foot steps. But while i was never violent in school, I was the kid who never did his homework and who slept in class. I passed every class with a D- putting in the most minimal effort. I tried community college for a few years after high school, but I couldn't afford the gas to keep going, after my mother lost her 2nd job when i was 20. (Gas was almost 5 dollars a gallon back then) I've used not having a vehicle to justify not having a job for 9 years since highschool. I've worked 1-4 weeks a year since highschool. I was never really unpopular, but after I dropped out of college I became very anti social. I hardly ever leave the house, and I can almost a week with out stepping foot outside the house. I know I should look for a job, find a way to consistently contribute like my gf does. But I get extremely nervous when ever the topic comes up. I hide my emotions from everyone around me, but I just feel like giving up sometimes. It feels like everything is always working against me, including myself. I can't walk out side the house with out feeling like the whole world is bearing down on me. I never really followed the crowd when i was younger, and now with my birthday looming all I see when I look in the mirror is failure and wasted potential. I'm very good with money, and I know that all of my problems are rooted in money. If I just had stable income I would have nothing to complain about, and when ever I saw family members they wouldn't be so disappointed in me. I think of all my siblings, cousins, uncles, and parents I am the only one who doesn't smoke or drink. Everyone expected me to do well after high school. Everyone expected so much of me, and I let everyone down. I know everyone just see's me as just a huge failure. Honestly I dont think this is what OP was asking for, and I know I kept writing far past what I should have. But it feels good to actually write this out. I try to hide in my online games from reality as often as possible...but just saying all of this even to no one feels good. Although it also makes me acknowledge I am the biggest disappointment to myself.