Wow. This thread is really depressing.

I was in the room alone with my mother when she took her final breath. I knew she was going to die, that day even, but I never thought I'd be the one to see her go. No boy should have to see that. It really messed me up. It's ten years later and it still fucking hurts. I've done therapy and all that and it hasn't helped. I was told I have PTSD but I'm not sure about it. Sometimes I start thinking about her and everything that happened and I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. I'll be sitting at my desk doing work and something will remind me of her and suddenly my eyes are heavy. It made me both extremely sensitive to others and very loose with my temper, which makes for all sorts of awful situations. My saving grace is my girlfriend. She's patient with me when I don't even deserve it. She reminds me a lot of my mom in some ways, she's very compassionate and she understands me like others don't. I've more or less given up on my friends and social life lately because I really can't identify with them anymore. They're all struggling with addiction. It feels weird knowing the thing holding me back for ten years is just a memory. I feel as shitty as they must, but I can't really express that to them. I've kind of resigned myself to this little life with my gf and our puppy. And it's not a bad thing. I just miss the person I could have been. You know, if she never died I don't think I'd be anywhere near as sensitive as I am and as much as I fucking hate it, I am oddly proud of myself for it. I just want to help people now. I have no means to and my fucking job is a dead end, but even getting the nerve to smile at people feels like a victory some days. I miss her more than I thought I could ever miss anything. I thought she was going to be with me forever. I thought she was always going to be here.