Only my doctors and about three friends know all of this:

My Dad has a passionate interest in classic cars. When I was little, he bought a rusted out '34 Ford Carbiolet and used to let me sit in it and pretend to drive. He told me that one day he would paint it midnight blue and drive me to my wedding in it.

He ended up getting a job overseas and moved us away from our home to go with him. He sold his classic cars before we went. He became a workaholic and I rarely saw him anymore. My mother was mentally ill and neglected us while he was at work. She eventually met a psychopathic boyfriend, divorced my Dad, moved us back to our home country and made it very hard for my Dad to see us - I saw him maybe once per year. He gave up custody of us in exchange for not having to pay her allimony. Her boyfriend proceeded to abuse the shit out of my brother and I for the next six years, before vanishing. I grew into a screwed up young adult with PTSD who hated herself, and that lead me into some bad situations that ended up with me being raped twice, and eventually having to spend 1.5 years in a psychiatric hospital because I was intensely suicidal and overcome by flashbacks and dissociation. My Dad still continued to see me about once per year, but he was still obsessed with his job and our relationship never really recovered from being so distant and fragmented, and him caring more about his job than his kids. I have recovered from my psychiatric issues enough that I am semi-functional, but I have a lot of work to do fixing my life, and due to my sexual assault I can't really have any relationship, let alone get married.

He retired a few months ago, and finally bought a restored '34 Cabriolet, painted midnight blue. He e-mailed me some pictures of it. I keep opening the e-mail and staring at them, and thinking about how different my life could have been.