I feel you man. I tried to kill myself last week on my 20th birthday. Could barely go to work without having a panic attack. Finally decided to make an appointment with Mental Health services at the hospital. I was there for about an hour just getting drilled with questions. It's like they were just trying to fit me into a category and not actually trying to understand/help. Mental health in my province is absolute shit and it's getting cut down to nothing thanks to our government. I walked outta there feeling good because I got to let a lot of stuff out... but by the time I got to my car I was like what now?

Then again last night I was having suicidal thoughts. I deleted my Facebook and turned my phone off. Several people tried to get ahold of me and knew something was wrong. Lucky for me my best friend knows me well and found me literally as I was on my way to find a tree. He let himself into my car and told me we're going for a drive. My parents found out and my Dad made a call to my uncle who grew up with depression and now specializes in it. Made me an appointment that I went to this afternoon (haven't seen him in years). To my surprise, he didn't have a pen and paper, he wasn't taking notes or asking stupid questions. The first thing he asked me was "So what's goin on?". He let me talk and tell my story and because of that, and him actually listening, he was able to get the source of my depression out and gave me advice on how to help with it. It does get better... trust me. And honestly, it doesn't take much but finding the source of the pain and making a plan to work on it. One day at a time.

He gave me an example on today's society and how backwards it is:

He used to be an engineer and his job was to design and maintain a matinence plan for a piece of equipment. So basically, "how can we keep this running smoothly and as efficiently as possible every day so it will have a longer life".

He told me that in today's society, we tell people who are depressed or stressed that they need to take a vacation; Essentially "unplugging" them for 2 weeks. Then when they return to work they are back to square one. Rather than providing and maintaining that "efficiency plan" for them to make each day go smoothly.

We treat machines better than we do People now.....